Tuesday, June 15, 2010

A Day in the Life

I have kids. I have a lot of kids. I am a teacher. I am the oldest of ten. I was the counselor, head counselor, all around kid person. It has not prepared me for life with N at 15 months old. Until recently he'd been by the saintly babysitter/second mother of his, but now he's home and havoc 'awreaking...

Here is a list of a typical day in the life of N:

Dumps ajax into toilet. Sloshes around ajax with toilet brush regardless of what "else" might be in toilet. Dumps bleach encrusted toilet brush on floor with LOTS of water and "else". Slips on wet floor and bumps head. Cries Loudly.

Finds ridiculously dangerous stick. Makes light saber noises and wields. Pokes self in eye. Cries Loudly. Gets put in high chair so parental units can have a break. Throws all food on floor, yells, screams, cries loudly, "OUT!".

Gets put in bed for another atempt at a nap. Bangs around, kisses each bar on crib. Yells, eventually Cries Loudly. Suckers Parents take out of crib.

Bottle of milk for exactly 3 minutes of respite for parents. Sits on couch with guilty mother and makes animal noises from book. Gets mad, hits mother, cries loudly. Mother cries quietly.

While mother is crying, goes into laundry room and dumps all of dog food into dog water bowl. Eats undetermined amount of this mixture. Slips and falls on wet floor. Cries Loudly.

While mother is cleaning up dog food mess, goes into pantry and dumps out 3 lb box of elbow noodles. There are a lot of elbows in 3 lbs.

Gets thrown in car by father to get out of house for shopping trip to WalMart. Yells most of the time for things he cannot have. At checkout pushes buttons on Credit Card swiper and father pushes him out of arms reach. Gets mad, no, furious, hits scared cashier.

At home exhausted parents unload car. Once inside, he is no where to be found. Eventually there are noises heard coming from basement. Gleeful and excited for the first time all day, at having done something "fun". When parents again not looking, climbs upstairs. Is found several minutes later in TOP bunk. Yelling happily.

Just another typical day in the life...and y'all wonder why we do bedtime at 6pm??


Anne said...

O.M.G. (!!!)... Caps, Kara, caps. (Not from your behavior, his).
Does a play pen still exist? Would he be able to climb out? Hey I used to have a kid harness. You could tie it to a BIG piece of furniture.

That bubble bath is still there for you.

Anne said...

Remember those drugs we were discussing? Use them NOW.
Or, You use them, and then it would matter what he does... :-)

NekudaTova said...

Haha! Not a bad idea! The bubble bath, OR the drugs!!! :) Today he fell against a toy chest and has a HUGE bruise on the side of his face! People are going to get the wrong idea!! :(

Eli Meystel said...

hahahaa i love him!! Kara please write a book