Monday, June 13, 2011

Comings and Goings

If you think I'm far behind on blog posts, you should see my photo albums. The last couple of entires are pics titled "R's Bris". R just celebrated his 5th birthday this week. I try, we all try. But sometimes we come up a little short. 

Things have been busy here, a visit that was supposed to be "just" my sister and my niece ended up including a very surprising guest: our one and only BUBBY! My mother surprised us and it was a whirlwind couple of weeks. We did the obligatory (but never boring) Old City/Kotel trip, visited my brothers' schools in Be'er Sheva and Telesone, and went to lots of beaches (Ashkelon, Netanya), Mamilla, Malcha, Ceaseria, the works. I can't even count the amount of times we ate out. But most of all, we just enjoyed being with everyone. 

I've been lucky to have three such trips from family members this year (albeit, this one was the only surprise visit), and the problem with them is that at the end of these trips, the family members actually...leave. And each time it affects me more and more. I'm hit with not only a tremendous sadness but almost a feeling of loss.

It takes me a good couple of weeks, yes...weeks to get over each Leaving. Thankfully, Shavous was a week after they left, so it forced me to pull myself together and move on. And since then I've been ok. Until yesterday. Yesterday, my sister D who has been here in seminary for the year came to say her goodbyes. She hasn't decided if she'll be back for a second year (which is exactly how I was holding at this time when I left for seminary, and I never made it back. Well, yes I did :). I knew I would be sad to see her go; since she was born while I was in high school, and I got married shortly after, we never had any real bonding time, and this year has certainly filled that gap for both of us. But I really had no idea how much another Leaving would, well, leave me. I cried for a bit, and am better today, but I've been walking around feeling lost. It's the same feeling that plagued me after my mother and sister left, and it's the same feeling that I get every time someone comes and then goes. 

To be fair, I guess I am actually the one who left all of them. And again, I'm so happy that we're here, I have absolutely no regrets, and am totally confident with the decision we made to come. I just hope that soon all these leavings will only be comings, and no more goings. Bimhayra B'yameinu.


Penina said...

No more "goings" We want to all come! Amen. Good post, thanks Kara!

NekudaTova said...

thanks P, counting on YOU sooner than later!! :)