I already had my next post all planned out, but when I opened Blogger today I was stopped in my tracks. To date I have posted 199 posts, and if all goes well this will be my 200th post! (girly shriek here)
It's kind of amazing since I started years ago with not much to say. I woke up in the middle of the night one night and starting making The Lists. The lists that you make when you can't sleep. The lists that have hundreds of things to do on them, of which only tens will actually come to fruition. It was brilliant--#759: Start a blog! Why? Because everyone is doing it!
The name came to me immediately (oh boy, did I think I was clever!). Nekuda Tova literally means "good point", an excellent name for a blog. But I would put a little Bresslov twist in there. Rebbe Nachman of Bresslov is famous for seeing the good in all Jews and reminding us all that we all have a Nekuda Tova, a "good part". And hence my tagline was born: Nekuda Tova: we've all got one.
Cut to the next groggy morning. I signed into blogger, set myself up, and there I was! Viola! My own platform from which to shout my many opinions! My own soap box to stand upon and declare my views!
But then something funny happened. I realized I had absolutely nothing interesting to say. At all. Not only was I not feeling funny or interesting, I was feeling downright cowardly. Who was I to think that anyone actually wanted to hear what I have to say? Won't it be weird to put my whole life out for public viewing? Ew. Thus my very first writer's block was born. How I wished to write something funny, witty, interesting! I would come back day after day, take a deep breath and...give up. Nadda.
You can look back at the first posts, but I'm pretty sure it was more than a full year from the time I opened my blogger account until I actually put something out there. And it was rocky at the beginning. I had no idea where the blog was going. I was unsure what my actual point (good or bad!) was. I would carefully, cautiously type out every sentence; checking, double checking not to reveal too much and yet keep it interesting.
Gone are those days, let me tell you! Boy have things changed. As I sit here on my 200th post, I write with reckless abandon. It usually takes me no more than 15 min to throw you something to read and my only regret is that I wish I had more time to write. The biggest obstacle I've overcome is WHO I'm writing for. While I started out nervous to impress, or anxious about my audience, I now realize that I write for one person, and one person only, and that's me. It's very freeing to put "pen to paper" at the end of the day and actually come up with something coherent and expressive.
But, some things actually haven't changed at all. I still love the blog's name. And oh boy, do I still think I am so clever.