"Em HaBanim" - "Mother of Sons"

Warning: May Contain Bathroom Humor


Lately, try as I may, I can't seem to get the Big "P" smell out of my bathrooms. I wash, scrub, disinfect. And yet it lingers. I am transported to my 16 year old self who could never, EVER find a bathroom in the house that did not smell like the Big "P".  My mother is a cleaner, and I have inherited the gene, so don't think otherwise. It's a male thing. With 6 brothers in the house growing up, and now 5 of my own sons, it's time to reflect on being a Mother of Boys. 


We are a tough bunch us MoBs. Although I do have a daughter, I still consider myself one of this group as our numbers are a 5:1 ratio, leaning heavily towards boys. I love boys. I have been surrounded by them since I was young, and am not scared of this magnificent breed. And yet, they are mysterious creatures these little men.


Take for example the morning cry of "Pee-Pee 'X'" that I hear almost daily from my early morning slumber. Have no idea what I am talking about? Ah, you are not a MoBs. My younger kids (thankfully, yes, I would be worried if it were the bigger ones) race to the bathroom every day, and when they get there at the same time, that doesn't stop them my friends. It's just an excuse for the morning's Pee-Pee X, wherein they will use the bathroom at the same time, and yes, make an "X" as they simultaneously aim into the toilet.


There is also the needing to go to the bathroom once we have gotten into the tub. Most of my young gentlemen will get out and use the toilet, and then renter the tub. Some will not. And then there are the ones that will stand up in the tub, and aim in the general direction of the toilet. Hit or Miss.


Sorry MoGs, but you didn't know what were missing, did you?


There are also the constant pile ups. Usually in good fun, this entails a large pile of boys on the living room floor. There is much yelling and screaming, grunting and squawking. Mostly there is no blood. I am a big proponent of Boys Should be Boys. There is actually an awesome book out there with the same title by a child psychologist named Meg Meeker, MD that should be required reading for any MoBs. Check it out. Because of this philosophy I let them have their nerf guns, swords, playmobil knights, bows and arrows, BB  guns,etc. 


To their credit, it should also be noted that boys are not just disgusting and violent (Ok, mostly they are). Boys are also the ones that love their Mommas to the end. They are the ones that hold our hands, tell us that they want to marry us, that they will never leave us (wait, can you please sign here that you actually said that?). They are the ones who will become men under our noses, Bnei Mitzva, Bnei Torah, the ones who will carry on the family name, and have little Ws of their own one day. As our girls, our boys will (and do!) make us tremendously proud. 


My mother always tells the story of one of my brothers who at the time was innocently eating a piece of toast, when out of the blue he bit it into the shape of a gun and started shooting. At the time we had no TV, and he had no point of reference. 


Point is, boys like to shoot. And maybe bathroom time is just another target practice.