The good AND the bad

I guess it's only fair to include the bad with the good, right? Just so you don't think it's all fun and games and kosher restaurants over here....


Today was not a good day. Today we all cried, and cried, and cried some more. 


The boys got back from Uman and were so excited to share it with me when they got back, it was amazing! But with a week away from home and school, came even more anxiety with school starting up again. Stomach aches, sore throats, even "I need glasses!", I had all the excuses this morning. Anyone is who is sending their Jewish kids to school this year knows just how sporadic school has been this month because of the early Holidays, and we aren't even through the biggest break of all.


BAW, as usual walked the boys to school, and came back looking very sad. He said that both S and B were clinging to him and bawling. A seems to continue to do ok, he heads off on his own everyday, and talks about friends he's met and seems to understand some of what he's been learning. J also heads off on her own in the am to walk with a bunch of girls. The two oldest for the most part seem like things are good, and it probably helps that they are a bit older; they are able to understand that all beginnings are hard, and that things are only getting better every day. But then again, who knows?  THIS week they seem good. 


So, after BAW came home dejected, I offered to take R up to his Gan. We have a great walk up together, he skips and dances besides me, chattering all the while. He even thoughtfully looks up at one point and says, "Today I am going to try REALLY hard not to cry!" His resolve lasts a long time; until he enters his classroom, and then, suddenly it's gone and he is clinging to me and sobbing for me please not to leave. I kiss him and hug him and wave all the way down the steps. When I leave the building I burst out crying. 


Now, don't get me wrong. Most days are good days. But when the bad days come, they are really bad. I got home and started to look for some documents that I need ASAP, and with every box that I opened (yes, I still have boxes, it's aseres yemei teshuva, don't judge) the tears came fresh. I cried for my big house with my green yard. I cried for my 2 dogs, and even might have shed a tear for my smelly ferret. I cried for my friends. I cried for my sun-room, my basement, my playroom. I cried for my cars. Both of them. I cried for cool, crisp fall mornings, and crunchy leaves underfoot. And my family. I cried a long time for my family.


I am already starting to feel better, and am sure that the kids are doing fine. They come home everyday smiling and happy, and for the most part, they work hard on their homework and seem to enjoy the extra time at night sitting with us and working together. We still have a long way to go though, and we know it. Succos is just around the corner, and hopefully it'll be the last new start for a while. 


Who knows, I might even have some time to unpack some more of those boxes...